Love Language #1 - Physical Touch

We need to fill our children's emotional tanks with an unconditional love, a love that says, "I love you for who you are, not for what you do or don't do," "I love you no matter what," and "I think you're the best and I'm crazy about you." Children feel loved in may ways, like when we say "I love you" or we give them a hug or buy them a toy. But there is a primary way that really makes them feel loved. One such love language is physical touch. All children need hugs and kisses and touches of affirmation, but children with this love language need more touching to have their emotional tanks filled.

For children whose primary love language is physical touch, physical contact shouts, "I love you!" to them. We're not just talking about physical touch out of necessity (to dress or undress a child, to put them in their car seat, to hold their hand while crossing the street,...). No, we're talking about consciously touching, to demonstrate love to the child. The following are such ways:
*hugging and kissing
*spinning and tossing in the air
*reading a book together with the child on your lap
*wrestling, jostling, playful hitting
*bear hugs
*give-me-fives
*playing contact sports together in the backyard as boys grow older (basketball, football, soccer)
*running your had through your son's hair, touching him on the shoulder, patting his back
*scratching their backs (Superman, my middle one, is always asking for his back to be scratched!)

The authors say, "For children who understand this love language, physical touch will communicate love more deeply than will the words "I love you," or giving a present, fixing a bicycle, or spending time with them. Of course, they receive love in all the languages, but for them the one with the clearest and loudest voice is physical touch. Without hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and other physical expressions of love, their love tanks will remain less than full.
When you use physical touch with these children, your message of love will come through loud and clear. A tender hug communicates love to any child, but it shouts love to these children. conversely, if you use physical touch as an expression of anger or hostility, you will hurt these children very deeply. A slap in the face is detrimental to any child, but it is devastating to children whose primary love language is touch." (pg.40)

Here's what one mom shared at the end of a love languages seminar, "Now I finally understand Joey. For years he has annoyed me by constantly picking at me. When I'm washing dishes, he walks up behind me, puts his hands around my face and covers my eyes. If I walk past him, he reaches out and pinches my arm If I walk through the room when he is lying on the floor, he grabs my leg. sometimes he pulls my arms behind me. He used to run his hands through my hair when I was sitting on the couch, although he doesn't anymore since I told him to keep his hands out of my hair. He does the same thing to his father, and the two of them usually end up in a wrestling match on the floor. Now I realize that Joey's primary love language is physical touch. All these years, he has been touching me because he wants to be touched." (p.40)

And here's a couple more powerful testimonies:
"Jeremy, a junior in college, told us how he knew his parents loved him: 'They showed it all the time. Every time I left the house as long as I can remember, I always got a hug and kiss from my mom and a hug from my dad, if he was home. And every time I came home, it was a repeat performance. It's still that way. Some of my friends can't believe my parents, because they didn't grow up in touching families, but I like it. I still look forward to their hugs. It gives me warm feelings inside.'
Eleven year old Mark was asked, 'On a zero to ten scale, how much do your parents love you?' Without batting an eye he answered, 'Ten.' When we asked why he felt this so strongly, he said, 'Well, for one thing because they tell me, but even more from the way they treat me. Dad is always bumping me when he walks by, and we wrestle on the floor. He's a lot of fun. And Mom's always hugging and kissing me, although she has stopped doing it in front of my friends.'" (42)

This so describes Superman, the middle one, that it's almost funny. He's always touching our faces and parts of our bodies with his hands and feet! Any bare skin he can find, he'll rub it and touch it. It drives us crazy. When I was pregnant with Flash, he always touched my full belly.
And if we let him, he would sit on any stranger and probably touch his/her face! He's also always liked "soft" pants (track pants) over jeans, he has a favorite pillowcase that is piped with ribbon because the ribbon is soft to touch as he sleeps, and he likes t-shirts that are soft. Besides having ants in his pants, his constant touching drives us crazy, but this is a primary love language for him. Think I'll go give him a hug!